Sam Worthington rents a hotel room, has a bit of brekkie then gets on a ledge. Here he spends most of the film alternating between chatting to some blonde woman who used to be in scrubs and to his brother Jamie Bell and his missus who are up to other things. Whilst the chatting is going on we learn some stuff about his past and why he might be on this ledge. He then chats a bit more and acts as though Jamie isn't doing naughty things and in the end we are meant to sympathise with these people. Shame boredom took over half way through instead.
This film is rubbish. It has a reasonably exciting premise, some guy on a ledge but why is he on the ledge, is it possibly because he is depressed or is it because his brother is doing something shifty or is it because he saw this film twenty minutes beforehand. There is meant to be loads of tension hanging around but within about five minutes of the film starting the 'twist' is given away and we are told pretty much the entirety of the plot. We then spend the rest of the film seeing exactly the plot we have just been told, which leads to less tension than an episode of antiques roadshow. Next is the girlfriend of Jamie Bell. She is hot I will give her that and she is very nice to look at but for christ's sake why couldn't they put her in more sensible clothing. She is breaking into a safe not going surfing so why does she randomly take off her already less than sensible tanktop tight jeans combo to put on a catsuit for about three minutes. Yes you get to see her in her strangely fancy underwear and yes it is a very pleasant site but for pity's sake where is the context people. The ending is just as frustrating. I wont tell you the ending but it doesn't make any sense and all involved would be arrested not just allowed to walk off as they are. God it was rubbish.
Verdict: 1/5
Sunday 30 December 2012
Film review: Ice Age 4
A latino Sloth with a lisp, an Italian descent New York mammoth and an all american, or maybe canadian, sabre toothed tiger get together to go on another crazy adventure. Also involved are two african american mammoths, an african american aged sloth and two slacker american possums. These two groups get seperated. The latter, minus the sloth, walk about a bit whilst the former, with the aged sloth in tow, get into some bother with some pirates. These pirates consist of a sort of english ape, a latino cat and some other peripheral ethnic minority animals I cannot be bothered to list. Some sort of adventure happens and I lose faith in childrens cinema.
I am a fan of the Ice Age films, well the first two anyway, the third was just weird. This one however is a film too far. It seems as though they don't really have any good new ideas for the film series. The main piece of evidence for this is the pirate theme. Why are there pirates? I mean seriously why? It just doesn't make any sense. The 'boats' are basically just icebergs with bits of tree on them that act as masts, cannons and in one instance steering. Honestly how do you steer an iceberg. I know it's a film and things don't need to make sense but the entertainment factor is just not there to justify the sillyness. The original three characters still work well and have some very funny moments. The new characters however are just annoying, especially the grandmother sloth 'granny'. Jesus Christ she is annoying and made me want to clean out my ears with a brillo pad every time she said anything. I have since watched this film again, not through choice there were some child nieces involved, and I must admit I enjoyed it more the second time. The reason for this however is that I expected it to be rubbish so instead of disappointment and dislike there was just dislike.
Verdict: 1.5/5
I am a fan of the Ice Age films, well the first two anyway, the third was just weird. This one however is a film too far. It seems as though they don't really have any good new ideas for the film series. The main piece of evidence for this is the pirate theme. Why are there pirates? I mean seriously why? It just doesn't make any sense. The 'boats' are basically just icebergs with bits of tree on them that act as masts, cannons and in one instance steering. Honestly how do you steer an iceberg. I know it's a film and things don't need to make sense but the entertainment factor is just not there to justify the sillyness. The original three characters still work well and have some very funny moments. The new characters however are just annoying, especially the grandmother sloth 'granny'. Jesus Christ she is annoying and made me want to clean out my ears with a brillo pad every time she said anything. I have since watched this film again, not through choice there were some child nieces involved, and I must admit I enjoyed it more the second time. The reason for this however is that I expected it to be rubbish so instead of disappointment and dislike there was just dislike.
Verdict: 1.5/5
Film review: Gone
Amanda Seyfried lives with her sister and is a little messed up in the head. She believes that some guy kidnapped her when she was younger and she escaped. Everyone else in the world does not believe her however. Sis then goes missing and Amanda is convinced the same dude is back and playing silly buggers again. Lo and behold nobody believes her again and she has to take matters into her own hands. She then runs around pissing lots of people off and lying to almost everyone she meets. The big question is who is telling the truth, Amanda or every bugger else?
The story mechanism in this film is actually quite an interesting and simple one. As mentioned the question of the film is wether Amanda is lying or not and this carries nicely throughout, not only that but it makes you as the audience question it aswell. This makes you interested in the character and the pieces of the puzzle she finds along the way. Unfortunately the ultimate conclusion to the mystery does not live up to the entertainment of the film so far. There are bunches of hints within the film as to who, if anyone, is causing all the bother but the final decision on this conundrum is quite a bit duller than it could have been. I must admit it wasn't obvious but that doesn't mean it was exciting. The acting is for the most part good but is a little shaky here and there. Overall a solid film but not gonna win any awards.
Verdict: 3/5
The story mechanism in this film is actually quite an interesting and simple one. As mentioned the question of the film is wether Amanda is lying or not and this carries nicely throughout, not only that but it makes you as the audience question it aswell. This makes you interested in the character and the pieces of the puzzle she finds along the way. Unfortunately the ultimate conclusion to the mystery does not live up to the entertainment of the film so far. There are bunches of hints within the film as to who, if anyone, is causing all the bother but the final decision on this conundrum is quite a bit duller than it could have been. I must admit it wasn't obvious but that doesn't mean it was exciting. The acting is for the most part good but is a little shaky here and there. Overall a solid film but not gonna win any awards.
Verdict: 3/5
Film review: The Muppets
Jason Segal and his brother, who is a muppet, are massive fans of the muppets. They grab Amy Adams and toddle off to hollywood to visit muppetland. Once there they find that Kermit and his buddies are no longer popular and are selling muppetland to some shifty oil baron whose assistants happen to be muppets. Jason and muppet bro then set about rounding up Kermit and the old gang to put on one last show and save muppetland from the evil baron of oil. There are some fart shoes and rapping and singing and clucking and loads of completely mental stuff that makes us all have warm fuzzy feelings inside.
I cannot express in words how much I loved this film but I will try none the less. This film is bonkers beyond belief but in a brilliant way. There are genuinely parts of the film that make no sense whatsoever but are funny as hell. The rapping scene for instance you just don't see coming but I was wetting myself throughout. Not only is it funny but it is sweet natured and kind hearted just as the muppets are meant to be. The songs are well written, catchy and funny with the cast both human and muppet singing their oversized hearts out. I used to like the muppets when I was a kid so this film helped to bring me back to my childhood and made me feel all innocent again, which for a cynical, miserable bastard like myself is one hell of an achievement. Absolutely brilliant film making.
Verdict: 5/5
I cannot express in words how much I loved this film but I will try none the less. This film is bonkers beyond belief but in a brilliant way. There are genuinely parts of the film that make no sense whatsoever but are funny as hell. The rapping scene for instance you just don't see coming but I was wetting myself throughout. Not only is it funny but it is sweet natured and kind hearted just as the muppets are meant to be. The songs are well written, catchy and funny with the cast both human and muppet singing their oversized hearts out. I used to like the muppets when I was a kid so this film helped to bring me back to my childhood and made me feel all innocent again, which for a cynical, miserable bastard like myself is one hell of an achievement. Absolutely brilliant film making.
Verdict: 5/5
Saturday 22 December 2012
Film review: Killer Joe
Emile Hersch owes some guys some money but he doesn't have any money. He goes to see his dad who also has no money but crafty ol' Emile has a plan up his dirty trailer trash sleeve. Mummy dearest has an insurance policy on her life and is a bit of a cow so the family get Matthew McConaughey on the phone to come and sort mum out. Due to Emiles inability to pay up front Matthew hangs around and has it off with his sis until the cheque clears. Some shifty shenanigans occur and then people get hurt. A lot.
Matthew McConaughey is the best thing about this film. It actually hurts a little writing that sentence as usually Matthew is awful in awful films and I avoid anything he does. In this he is amazing, genuinely. His character is awkward, creepy and ultimately terrifying. He is the kind of guy you do not want to cross and he repeatedly shows us why. I actually don't need to write more than this as he is worth watching this film, I know crazy right? Aside from that the rest of the cast also do a pretty good job. Emiles dad and stepmum are played well and his sis is also very good. Unfortunately Emile himself is good but verges on the annoying and whilst he didn't quite put me off he may put off others. The story is good but quite simple, not that that is a criticism it helps that it is simple, removes all the fluff. The film is also funny in a very dark way and also ever so slightly weird, once you see the KFC scene you will know what I mean. Trust me though this film is worth it.
Verdict: 4.5/5
Matthew McConaughey is the best thing about this film. It actually hurts a little writing that sentence as usually Matthew is awful in awful films and I avoid anything he does. In this he is amazing, genuinely. His character is awkward, creepy and ultimately terrifying. He is the kind of guy you do not want to cross and he repeatedly shows us why. I actually don't need to write more than this as he is worth watching this film, I know crazy right? Aside from that the rest of the cast also do a pretty good job. Emiles dad and stepmum are played well and his sis is also very good. Unfortunately Emile himself is good but verges on the annoying and whilst he didn't quite put me off he may put off others. The story is good but quite simple, not that that is a criticism it helps that it is simple, removes all the fluff. The film is also funny in a very dark way and also ever so slightly weird, once you see the KFC scene you will know what I mean. Trust me though this film is worth it.
Verdict: 4.5/5
Wednesday 19 December 2012
Film review: Red Lights
Cilian Murphy and Sigourney Weaver travel around the states proving that all those pesky psychic mediums and ghosty people are frankly just a bunch of tits with too much time on their hands. They use their investigative powers to shut all these sheisters down and show them the error of their ways. That is until a blind Robert De Niro turns up. He was around in like the 70's or summin but then went away for a bit and then came back for a bit and sends shivers up Sigourneys spine. He then shows people his spoon bending powers and something to do with salt before coming to a big head to head with Cilian. Cilian gets a bit obsessed throughout the film and gets his end away with the Olsen twins sister, not one of the twins but the one who isn't a twin........you know what I mean.
I really enjoyed this film. Before I saw it I must admit I had heard it was quite good so I had relatively high expectations, which it exceeded. Everybody in it is great. Sigourney can do no wrong as the woman was once Lt Ripley, similar can be said for Bobby D who is a complete legend. Yeh both of them have had their share of shite roles but all together they are both amazing actors. Then there is the lead of Cilian. He is a very good actor and carries the film and the descent into obsession fantastically. The story is gripping and hinges on a simple premise, is De Niro actually a psychic. The magic of the film is it has you debating the question along with Cilian. He carries you into his obsession with him and you genuinely care what he finds once there. The ending is also brilliant and I did not see the film going in that direction. Sara claims she did but then stated that she only knew the answer literally 30 seconds before they tell you, that Sara is not working out the film, sorry but you lose that one. Overall I really liked it.
Verdict: 4.5/5
Film review: Sherlock Holmes Game Of Shadows
Robert Downey Jr dons his Olde Time clothing and puts all those hours studying the Queen's english into a frightfully posh accent in order to run around showing Jude Law how brilliant he is. Noomi Rapace turns up and does some Gypsy readings before joining in the running around with Bob and Jude. The three of them run around a lot after some professor guy (sorry don't know the actor and don't care enough to look it up) and Bob stops occasionally to run through a monologue that shows us just how clever he can be. He then meets the professor and they both discuss the merits of each of their intelligence and do indeed come to a conclusion as to who has the superior intellect. O yeh and Stephen Fry pops up who as we all know is also very intelligent. I feel stupid.
Before I start ranting can I just say that I did not dislike this film. Right now thats over I can start. My big problem with the film is the whole I am more intelligent than you mechanic, which is really tiring after a while. I like Sherlock Holmes and the fact he is a brilliant detective but I don't need it rammed down my throat constantly. This is epitomised by the fighting that occurs. The slowed down fight scenes work really well visually and look great played slow and then sped up second time round but it is verging on giving Mr Holmes psychic powers. This is really evident when he and the bad guy have a fight in which they don't actually fight they just intellectually plan their fight and decide through probability who will be the winner. All I could think through it was for god's sake stop faffing around and someone hit someone else in the face, I get it you are both really intelligent but I could do with either of you getting a slap. They also seem to have lost the fact that Holmes is a bit unhinged and partial to tasting fruits he shouldn't be tasting. They used this a little bit in the first film and I liked it but the second feels a little tamer. Saying all that the film is perfectly fine as entertainment. Robert is a good actor and plays the role well and all the support are pretty good aswell, shame they couldn't elevate it above passable.
Verdict: 3/5
Film review: Ted
Marky mark is a bit of a social reject as a kid so his parents decide to buy him a teddy bear. Him and the teddy bear then become bezzies and spend waaaayy too much time together. He makes a wish and the teddy bear then begins to talk like Peter Griffin crossed with Brian. They grow up together whereby Mark gets it on with Meg Griffin, aka Mila Kunis. Turns out Ted is a right dirty little bugger who keeps Mark in a perpetual state of immaturity. Then Phoebe Buffets little brother gets involved and we all learn lessons about life.
If you don't like Family Guy then you probably won't like this film. It's not exactly the same format or comedy style but there are a lot of similarities and some jokes either directly or indirectly reference the big FG. Saying that I love family guy and love this film. Ted is a brilliantly thought out character who provides laughs aplenty. Seth Macfarlane is a great writer and this has translated well into film land. Mark Wahlberg is also showing that he can do comedy really well and gives just as much to the comedy as Ted does. Saying that however it is very much Teds film and without him it would be a bit rubbish, makes sense I know as the film is called Ted but thought I would make the point anyway. Mila Kunis is also very good and helps to add heart to the film and anchors the storyline to more than just joke......innapropriate comment.........joke.........etc. My only problem with the film is it is ever so slightly too reminiscent of family guy in that they use some of the exact same jokes from the show. Still laugh at them but I am a bit of a loser so I would wouldn't I. Overall some really funny shizzle.
Verdict: 4.5/5
If you don't like Family Guy then you probably won't like this film. It's not exactly the same format or comedy style but there are a lot of similarities and some jokes either directly or indirectly reference the big FG. Saying that I love family guy and love this film. Ted is a brilliantly thought out character who provides laughs aplenty. Seth Macfarlane is a great writer and this has translated well into film land. Mark Wahlberg is also showing that he can do comedy really well and gives just as much to the comedy as Ted does. Saying that however it is very much Teds film and without him it would be a bit rubbish, makes sense I know as the film is called Ted but thought I would make the point anyway. Mila Kunis is also very good and helps to add heart to the film and anchors the storyline to more than just joke......innapropriate comment.........joke.........etc. My only problem with the film is it is ever so slightly too reminiscent of family guy in that they use some of the exact same jokes from the show. Still laugh at them but I am a bit of a loser so I would wouldn't I. Overall some really funny shizzle.
Verdict: 4.5/5
Sunday 9 December 2012
Top five christmas films
Due to the fact christmas is looming on the horizon and me and Sara put up our tree today I feel inspired to write my top five christmas films. Most of these will be on most peoples lists but there may be some surprises there. Here goes....
1) Elf
We all know that in recent times Will Ferrel has brought out a torrent of films in which he plays the same character, Ron Burgundy, don't get me wrong I love the moustacheoed one but it does wear a bit thin. Brilliantly however in this he is a sweet, innocent character who skips through life with a massive syrup induced smile on his face. I saw this initially with a group of my mates and none of us expected too much but from the outset, 'Bye, Bye Buddy', we all loved it. Since then it has become a firm favourite in my house and I have even turned Sara on to it. One last thing to say 'SAAAAANTA!............I know him'.
2) The Nightmare Before Christmas
This is Tim Burtons finest film, period. I do like Tim but he often has a habit of just putting a weird costume on Helena Bonham whatsherface and The Depper and throwing them into a room together. In this he follows the story of Jack the Pumpkin King who rules all of halloween. The animation is brilliant and the character and world design is outstanding. The songs are written well and sung amazingly and add to the story without ever making you feel like they are out of place. Just to let you know this film is slightly creepy and not your usual christmas film, it is not for children. Saying this Sara did mention that she thought all the characters were cute when she was younger but to be honest she is a little mental. Brilliant.
3) Die Hard
Ok so yes this has already been in one of my top fives and yes it isn't your typical christmas film but it is undeniable brilliant. Bruce Willis is ace as the borderline alcoholic cop and Alan Rickman is the single greatest german bad guy ever, take that Hitler. It may not be about christmas itself but there is a nice message behind the action and it is set around christmas, besides its my list so I don't care.
4) It's a Wonderful Life
I love James Stewart. He is the star of two of my top films ever (may be a list I do) and this is one of them. I almost feel ashamed to say I hadn't seen this film until a couple of years ago. Those who know me may be surprised that I love this so, those who don't it's because in general I am miserable as sin, truly miserable. This however made me smile all the way through and made me feel all snuggly inside........in a manly way of course. Jimmy S is amazing in the central role and you feel every single emotion that he does throughout the entire film. If you haven't seen this film then get a bleeding move on..........go on..............i'll wait.............must go shopping tomorrow..............see I told you, awesome isn't it.
5) The Muppets Christmas Carol
Firstly can I just say this is in the list for one main reason, Sara would kill me in my sleep if it wasn't. Everybody knows this classic Dickens story and there are bucket loads of adaptations to choose from, special mention to Scrooged with Bill Murray which missed this list by the hairs on its chinny chin chin, but whoever decided to Muppetise this story is a freakin genius, fact. Not only did they add in Kermit and his pals to the story but they cast Sir Michael of Caine to play Scrooge but to do it in the most serious of ways even with all the puppet madness going on around him. Then they chose to make it a musical with some wonderful songs that mesh seemlessly into the story. To top it off there is the addition of gonzo and rizzo as narrators who provide bags of comedy and bring the life out of the story in big, fat christmas sack fulls. Yeh alright I love it too, but for the love of god don't tell Sara.
There you have it. Please post opinions and shizzle on here, on my facebook or feel free to tweet me @poshbob.
Much love.
Film review: Crazy Heart
Jeff Bridges is a washed up country and western star who enjoys a glass of whisky and a frolic in the sack with some less than attractive older ladies. He then meets Maggie Gylenhaal who for some strange reason finds his manboobs and mumbling irresistable and decides to introduce this amazing role model to her four year old child. Jeff then goes on a journey of discovery and has a chat with Colin Farrell along the way. Much whisky is drunk and much lessons are learned and we all feel warm because of it.
I really liked this film. Jeff Bridges is for the most part brilliant in everything he is in and does not change that for this film. He has a great singing voice that really fits the mood of the film and the country and western vibe. Colin Farrell also gives the singing a good shot and as far as I know the both of them are actually the ones singing. Plus both of them act their socks off alongside Maggie Gylenhaal who excels as well. Little bit weird that she finds a shirtless, slightly flabby, alcoholic Jeff Bridges attractive but hey each to their own. The story flows well and you really get into the lives of the characters and believe in each of them. I dont really like it when people writing about or talking about films talk about 'believing' and all that but for this its true. All in all I loved it and while that may not make for the most exciting review it makes for a great film.
Verdict: 4.5/5
I really liked this film. Jeff Bridges is for the most part brilliant in everything he is in and does not change that for this film. He has a great singing voice that really fits the mood of the film and the country and western vibe. Colin Farrell also gives the singing a good shot and as far as I know the both of them are actually the ones singing. Plus both of them act their socks off alongside Maggie Gylenhaal who excels as well. Little bit weird that she finds a shirtless, slightly flabby, alcoholic Jeff Bridges attractive but hey each to their own. The story flows well and you really get into the lives of the characters and believe in each of them. I dont really like it when people writing about or talking about films talk about 'believing' and all that but for this its true. All in all I loved it and while that may not make for the most exciting review it makes for a great film.
Verdict: 4.5/5
Monday 3 December 2012
Film review: Battleship
Liam Neeson has a big boat and is in command of a group of guys who also have big boats. One of these guys is a bit of a rebel who likes to drink, steal and fight so Liam thinks its a good idea to give him his own boat so that he can prove to Liam that he is worthy of nobbing his daughter. Rihanna then pops up for some inexplicable reason and proves that just like singing, acting does not come natural. Then some aliens get involved who for some reason only feel the need to hover about a bit over water and not shoot people. The aliens then visit Hawaii and some people try to act.
Liam Neeson has a real habit of signing up to do really shite films. I understand that the producers probably offered him a load of money but seriously Liam, when the premise of a film is based on a turn based boardgame set upon the exciting mechanic of a lettered and numbered grid just say no. Yes thats right people they based a film on "A3" "miss, G2" "miss, A4" "miss, E7", it's that exciting. They even try to bring this mechanism to the film itself with some completely bullshit reason involving buoys. The aliens are rubbish and look like hells angels bikers who have fallen chin first into some porcupines whilst coming back from a trip to Masterchiefs changing room. They also seem to only have one weapon and have these targeting systems that choose who or what is threatening seemingly at random. Stick a gun in my face, your good, be an innocent engine part, DIE YOU EVIL BASTARD!!! The main dude is rubbish, I may be wrong but I think he was also John Carter of Mars, not the best track record. The acting doesn't really get any better with the girlfriend, the scientists, the brother, the other navy men/women, the random black guy with metal legs, the entire feckin cast. Then theres the vacuum of talent that is Rihanna. She cannot act, period. I also hate her music but thats not really that important here just felt the need to point out that I think she is consistently rubbish across more than one medium. Both me and Sara fell asleep during this and once woken up I had missed nothing other than some really poor special effects. The plot jumps around with complete disregard for a story arc or structure. On a positive note they do use some ACDC songs, still a shit film tho.
Verdict: 1/5
Liam Neeson has a real habit of signing up to do really shite films. I understand that the producers probably offered him a load of money but seriously Liam, when the premise of a film is based on a turn based boardgame set upon the exciting mechanic of a lettered and numbered grid just say no. Yes thats right people they based a film on "A3" "miss, G2" "miss, A4" "miss, E7", it's that exciting. They even try to bring this mechanism to the film itself with some completely bullshit reason involving buoys. The aliens are rubbish and look like hells angels bikers who have fallen chin first into some porcupines whilst coming back from a trip to Masterchiefs changing room. They also seem to only have one weapon and have these targeting systems that choose who or what is threatening seemingly at random. Stick a gun in my face, your good, be an innocent engine part, DIE YOU EVIL BASTARD!!! The main dude is rubbish, I may be wrong but I think he was also John Carter of Mars, not the best track record. The acting doesn't really get any better with the girlfriend, the scientists, the brother, the other navy men/women, the random black guy with metal legs, the entire feckin cast. Then theres the vacuum of talent that is Rihanna. She cannot act, period. I also hate her music but thats not really that important here just felt the need to point out that I think she is consistently rubbish across more than one medium. Both me and Sara fell asleep during this and once woken up I had missed nothing other than some really poor special effects. The plot jumps around with complete disregard for a story arc or structure. On a positive note they do use some ACDC songs, still a shit film tho.
Verdict: 1/5
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)