Keira Knightley puts on yet another period costume to become a Russian housewife. Her husband is Jude Law who is a wonderful human being whom every bugger loves and dotes upon. Whilst visiting her brother, I think, she spies out of her little vodka filled eye a young whippersnapper who should be dating her cousin???friend???? I dunno. Then there is a slight Russian reference to remind us we are in Russia and not England. She then becomes a naughty girl and decides the borderline child is worth a rumble in the jungle. Jude figures it all out, to be honest Keira doesn't make a good job of hiding it, and gives her a right tongue lashing. Another Russian reference. Someone gets her preggers and she turns into a right moody bitch who mouths off at everyone and their mother, O yeh and we are still in Russia, not that you would know.
*Sigh*. I kind of want to end it there to be honest but here goes. I really dislike Keira Knightley and find the majority of her films tedious. Its not to say she is a bad actress but she literally has one character that she copies and pastes into all of her films and then adjusts the volume/overacting dial accordingly. Whether she is a queen, footballer or even bounty hunter she remains the posh public schoolgirl throughout. Jude Law is pretty good and the only person in the entire film who looks remotely Russian and thats only because they stuck a Leninlike beard on his face but he is not enough to save it. The young bloke spends 75% of the film looking creepily at Keira from a distance and the other 25% stalking. All the other characters are fine but they don't ever really feel the need to explain who they are or how they know Keira and Jude or why they are even in the film. Then there is the most annoying part of the film which is the stage play mechanic they add to the filming and cutting between shots. It is so out of place both me and Sara weren't 100% sure they didn't actually live in a theatre. Some of the cuts even had people moving scenery, which I found to be beyond annoying, and there are moments when people synchronise typing, moving and other actions in a sub dance routine. I half expected them to break into song. Then they expect us to buy into the serious undertones of the relationships between Keira and her two men, it just doesn't work. Whichever bright spark thought this would work needs to be punched in the crotch, even if they're a woman, or a eunuch. Awful, just awful, and misguided.
Verdict: 0/5
Monday 27 May 2013
Wednesday 22 May 2013
Film review: One Day
Anne Hathaway is a student from tup north who goes to uni with some really handsome dreamboat of a guy. They start their relationship on the 15th July and keep revisiting this date a few years jump at a time. During these jumps Anne likes the guy who meets someone else but then breaks up with them and starts liking Anne by which time she is with Rafe Spall. Also on these dates it turns out handsome guy is a prick and Anne is a bit of a wet lettuce. We then dip in and out of these snippets of their lives and get to see how relationships develop both good and bad and also how Anne Hathaways accent develops both good and bad.
This film is based on the book of the same name which I have been informed is actually very good, I can't actually remember who told me that the book was good so the source may not be reliable but lets go with it. I am not much of a reader as Sara will inform you it can take me up to and including a year to finish one book, and not even a big one, so I decided to watch the film instead. What a mistake I made. Firstly I would like to say I like Anne Hathaway, this has no bearing on the film but I felt the need to say it before putting the gloves on. Her accent is confusing at best. Half the time she is speaking in a reasonable northern accent and the other half she sounds like she would fit in in Pride and Prejudice, "One would rather like to go t' shop by 'eck" and such other monstrosities. The next problem is the male lead who is beyond irritating, admittedly this is on purpose some of the time but he is unable to switch it off even when he is meant to be charming. I spent most of the film wanting to cut his tongue and staple it over his eyebrows just so I didn't have to listen to him or see his uneven eyebrow 'look at me I am so handsome' smile. The only person I actually felt for in this was Rafe Spall who is great and gets stomped all over by Queen Anne of Yorkshire and her slimy pal. The mechanic of the same day being visited across time actually works reasonably well but the story just isn't interesting. Overall I did not care for it.
Verdict: 1/5
This film is based on the book of the same name which I have been informed is actually very good, I can't actually remember who told me that the book was good so the source may not be reliable but lets go with it. I am not much of a reader as Sara will inform you it can take me up to and including a year to finish one book, and not even a big one, so I decided to watch the film instead. What a mistake I made. Firstly I would like to say I like Anne Hathaway, this has no bearing on the film but I felt the need to say it before putting the gloves on. Her accent is confusing at best. Half the time she is speaking in a reasonable northern accent and the other half she sounds like she would fit in in Pride and Prejudice, "One would rather like to go t' shop by 'eck" and such other monstrosities. The next problem is the male lead who is beyond irritating, admittedly this is on purpose some of the time but he is unable to switch it off even when he is meant to be charming. I spent most of the film wanting to cut his tongue and staple it over his eyebrows just so I didn't have to listen to him or see his uneven eyebrow 'look at me I am so handsome' smile. The only person I actually felt for in this was Rafe Spall who is great and gets stomped all over by Queen Anne of Yorkshire and her slimy pal. The mechanic of the same day being visited across time actually works reasonably well but the story just isn't interesting. Overall I did not care for it.
Verdict: 1/5
Tuesday 21 May 2013
Film review: Beasts of the Southern Wild
A little girl lives in the swamps of some american state with her dad. Its a place called the bathtub and here they catch crabs, row around in car parts and get rained on. The little girl is an imaginative little thing but unfortunately has very poor command of the english language. She potters about setting fire to the odd thing and narrating her life. Her dad randomly goes to the hospital on occasion and then comes back to shout a bit and talk about how good the bathtub is. Her dad then gets a bit sicker and we have to learn whether or not she can look after herself and daddy dearest. Annoyingly there isn't much more to say as that is pretty much all that happens.
This is going to be a pretty short review, just thought I would say that, you know flesh it out a bit coz I'm a proper writer now innit. The little girl in this film is brilliant. She is meant to be a six year old and as far as I know she is that age or not far off it and considering that she is a cracking little actress. The rest of the cast are also convincing as slightly backwater people with real problems and a real sense of community. Unfortunately the story is really quite dull, well I don't really mean dull in that I wasn't bored and was engaged with the characters, but nothing much really happened. It's one of those films that doesn't feel the need to have a start, middle and end with most of it at best being a hazy middle all the way through. I can't however say I didn't enjoy the acting, characters and the bathtub itself, almost a character on its own. Overall good aside from the lack of story.
Verdict: 3.5/5
This is going to be a pretty short review, just thought I would say that, you know flesh it out a bit coz I'm a proper writer now innit. The little girl in this film is brilliant. She is meant to be a six year old and as far as I know she is that age or not far off it and considering that she is a cracking little actress. The rest of the cast are also convincing as slightly backwater people with real problems and a real sense of community. Unfortunately the story is really quite dull, well I don't really mean dull in that I wasn't bored and was engaged with the characters, but nothing much really happened. It's one of those films that doesn't feel the need to have a start, middle and end with most of it at best being a hazy middle all the way through. I can't however say I didn't enjoy the acting, characters and the bathtub itself, almost a character on its own. Overall good aside from the lack of story.
Verdict: 3.5/5
Thursday 16 May 2013
Film review: The Sapphires
Four Aussie aborigine women whose names I do not know and cannot be bothered to look up like to sing to white people in crappy bars in the 70s, maybe 60s, wait when was Vietnam??? At one of those crappy bars they meet the guy from the IT crowd, the irish one not the fuzzy haired one, who plays the piano and loves soul music. The girls then convince him to become their manager and to go and sing to american soldiers in Vietnam to boost their spirits. They argue about who is the lead singer but quickly realise it is the one who can mime the best and off to Vietnam they go. Here they learn that family and love are more important than colour and the Vietcong and try their damndest to warm our cockles with their irreverant comedic talents.
On paper and on trailer this film had quite a bit of promise. Everybody loves an underdog story especially those that involve women with attitude and a bit of spunk, the american kind not the reproductive cell carrying kind and from that point of view the film is not too bad. Unfortunately the film does not deliver on its earlier promise. Yes there are funny bits, yes the music is great but beyond that I was bored. The story moves along a little too quickly and does not bring anything we haven't seen before, black women trying to make it in a white world via music, I give you Dreamgirls; love that blossoms despite initial reservations, I give you any romcom; family disputes that resolve through hard times, I give you any episode of Eastenders. What I am trying to say its it has all been done before, which in itself is not a dreadful thing as long as the film does it well. This film however is just meh in all forms of the word.
Verdict: 2.5/5
On paper and on trailer this film had quite a bit of promise. Everybody loves an underdog story especially those that involve women with attitude and a bit of spunk, the american kind not the reproductive cell carrying kind and from that point of view the film is not too bad. Unfortunately the film does not deliver on its earlier promise. Yes there are funny bits, yes the music is great but beyond that I was bored. The story moves along a little too quickly and does not bring anything we haven't seen before, black women trying to make it in a white world via music, I give you Dreamgirls; love that blossoms despite initial reservations, I give you any romcom; family disputes that resolve through hard times, I give you any episode of Eastenders. What I am trying to say its it has all been done before, which in itself is not a dreadful thing as long as the film does it well. This film however is just meh in all forms of the word.
Verdict: 2.5/5
Film review: Star Trek Into Darkness
Captain Chris Pine straps on his phaser and takes the helm of the starship enterprise for a new stab at space travel. He and Zachary Quinto seem to be bff's now and have a wonderful romp around observing things, fixing things and generally sticking their honkers into other peoples business. That is until Chris gets a right telling off from his surrogate dad and Benedict Cumberbatch rocks up in order to ruin everyones day. They all then run, jump and space travel around a bit trying to catch one another and many large objects get written off. The big question really is is everything all it seems and for that children you will have to go yourselves, you lazy sods.
The first of the rebirth Star Trek films was nothing short of brilliant. The casting was perfect, the story well thought out and retained the feel of the original series whilst setting up a completely new version of events. It was one of the greatest surprises and films of its year and I bloody loved it. Due to this my excitement could not have been higher for the second installment, so much so I may have let loose a rather feminine squeal. Adding in Benedict was another stroke of genius as not only is he a great actor but he is one of the weirdest and most unique looking people on screen and that is by no way meant as an insult. On top of this JJ Abrams, whilst becoming a little tedious with his televisual efforts (revolution, lost, alcatraz), is still churning out outstanding films (super 8, involvement with cloverfield, star trek). Its a shame then that I was ever so slightly disappointed once leaving the cinema. Don't get me wrong it is a great film but the expectation was just too high to ever really meet, and yes I realise that that is my problem and not the films. A good example of this happening before is Prometheus, although that film was actually rubbish. For me there was not enough of Benedict who is brilliant as the villain of the piece and there was a little too much overacting. Again the overacting is very minimal but I expect there to be none in a film like this. Maybe I have seen too many films and maybe I am being a little critical, who knows. Just to be clear I did like this film very much and I would urge anyone to go and see it because you will not see much better but it just wasn't quite up there with the first one.
Verdict: 4.5/5
The first of the rebirth Star Trek films was nothing short of brilliant. The casting was perfect, the story well thought out and retained the feel of the original series whilst setting up a completely new version of events. It was one of the greatest surprises and films of its year and I bloody loved it. Due to this my excitement could not have been higher for the second installment, so much so I may have let loose a rather feminine squeal. Adding in Benedict was another stroke of genius as not only is he a great actor but he is one of the weirdest and most unique looking people on screen and that is by no way meant as an insult. On top of this JJ Abrams, whilst becoming a little tedious with his televisual efforts (revolution, lost, alcatraz), is still churning out outstanding films (super 8, involvement with cloverfield, star trek). Its a shame then that I was ever so slightly disappointed once leaving the cinema. Don't get me wrong it is a great film but the expectation was just too high to ever really meet, and yes I realise that that is my problem and not the films. A good example of this happening before is Prometheus, although that film was actually rubbish. For me there was not enough of Benedict who is brilliant as the villain of the piece and there was a little too much overacting. Again the overacting is very minimal but I expect there to be none in a film like this. Maybe I have seen too many films and maybe I am being a little critical, who knows. Just to be clear I did like this film very much and I would urge anyone to go and see it because you will not see much better but it just wasn't quite up there with the first one.
Verdict: 4.5/5
Tuesday 7 May 2013
Film review: Ironman 3
Robert Downey Jr puts on his metal suit again to fly around and cause a bit of world saving mischief. This time he is not the cocky little sod we know and love as he has slight PTSD issues from the avengers film. As a result he spends most of his time locked away in his basement trying to upgrade his many many suits. Stuff then starts blowing up due to Sir Ben Kingsley who is a terrorist and all round troublemaker. Gwyneth is still around running Bobs business and occasionally getting down to business with him. She has a meeting with Guy Pearce who has lovely hair and some healthy muscles and has a great idea for maximising the human body and mind. Bob then decides to gob off at Ben and his stuff becomes the target of the explosions and this guy who burns things when he touches them. Eventually everybody meets up and has a big ol' fight and also Don Cheadle is there for a bit.
Ironman was one of the first films of the new resurgence of superhero films, good superhero films at that. Robert Downey Jr could not have been more suited for the role of Tony Stark and continues to bring wit, sarcasm and life to the character. The rest of the casting in this third instalment is also fantastic. Gwynny is pretty good as the love interest and even gets to throw a couple of punches herself. Don Cheadle is still solid as war machine and Guy Pearce is just great, but then again he always is. Even Ben Kingsley gets to let his hair down and have great fun playing the terrorist The Mandarin. The story itself is much better than the second film and the bad guy for once is not just another nutjob in a metal suit. There is even a slight twist woven into the storyline which is a pleasant if not completely out of the blue suprise. Overall the direction is very good, the acting and storyline great and the special effects are pretty awesome. It isn't as good as either Ironman 1 or the Avengers but it is up there as one of the best superhero films out there.
Verdict: 4.5/5
Ironman was one of the first films of the new resurgence of superhero films, good superhero films at that. Robert Downey Jr could not have been more suited for the role of Tony Stark and continues to bring wit, sarcasm and life to the character. The rest of the casting in this third instalment is also fantastic. Gwynny is pretty good as the love interest and even gets to throw a couple of punches herself. Don Cheadle is still solid as war machine and Guy Pearce is just great, but then again he always is. Even Ben Kingsley gets to let his hair down and have great fun playing the terrorist The Mandarin. The story itself is much better than the second film and the bad guy for once is not just another nutjob in a metal suit. There is even a slight twist woven into the storyline which is a pleasant if not completely out of the blue suprise. Overall the direction is very good, the acting and storyline great and the special effects are pretty awesome. It isn't as good as either Ironman 1 or the Avengers but it is up there as one of the best superhero films out there.
Verdict: 4.5/5
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