Wednesday 28 November 2012

Film review: The Pact

A blonde woman goes missing in her late mothers house whilst on skype with her daughter. The blonde woman's blonde sister then also goes missing in the late mothers house and its up to a third blonde sister (or maybe blonde cousin, I wasn't really paying attention) to figure out what's been going on. So she then moves into mummy's house and weird paranormal freaky deaky stuff ensues. The blonde cousin/sister then goes to the police and Johnny Rico from Starship Troopers helps her investigate stuff. A whole bunch of creepy, ghosty stuff happens and then the director tries to surprise us with minimal effect.

Right then. First off I actually like the premise of this film and I like what they tried to do with the slight twist on the genre, unfortunately thats where the good points end. There are way too many blonde people in this film. Now I don't have a problem with blonde people, for example I am quite partial to a bit of Pixie Lott, however shoving a load of very similar looking blonde women all together makes it difficult to keep up with who is who and who has what child, etc. Admittedly this wasn't helped by the fact my attention was partly taken up by the paint drying on the wall but hey ho. The acting isn't too bad but it isn't amazing either. Johnny Rico bless him couldn't really act in Starship Troopers but at least in that he was blowing up giant dung beetles, in this the woodenness shines on through. Again the three blonde women are not terrible but cannot carry the less than exciting script and storyline. The big 'twist' on the genre is a clever idea but certain plotholes ruin it slightly and it feels as though a different director or writer could have done something rather special with it. Shame this didn't happen then and I was subjected to yet another slice of boredom.

Verdict: 1.5/5

Saturday 24 November 2012

Film review: Skyfall

Daniel Craig collects his suit from the dry cleaners and dusts off his walther in order to fight some foreign bad guys. He runs about a bit and shoots some people and theres a train, then Adele sings a song and then Dame Judi Dench gets involved and they both run around a bit as Javier Bardem tries to do bad things. There are also some pretty ladies in there who Daniel inevitably convinces to play a few rounds of 'have a guess whats hidden in my trunks'.


Every time a new bond film comes out there is a part of me that feels as though massive disappointment will follow watching it. Recently they have been rubbish (Casino Royale being the exception) and make being a bond fan very difficult indeed. Despite this I still get excited whenever one comes out, along with the majority of the male population. This film is good. Unfortunately it isn't anything more as there are some flaws in it. Javier Bardem as the bad guy is brilliant but he isn't used enough for my liking. If anyone hasn't seen No Country For Old Men then look it up as Bardem is scary as shit in it and that is what I wanted from him here. His villain is creepy enough but for some reason his screen time felt a little lacking. Another problem is the bond girls. The first we meet in the opening scene and she is a little on the rubbish side acting wise and gets more annoying as the film progresses. The second is smokin hot but as per usual is only really there for bond to play the horizontal shuffle with. Neither of these things are a huge problem but they just kept niggling at me, maybe I am a bit pedantic. Otherwise the film works well. Bond is portrayed as a borderline alcoholic mess which is interesting as this is not really how Bond has been portrayed in the past. No longer is he the cool, calm bastard we all know, he is a damaged man with faults coming out the wazoo. Judi Dench is very good but then again isn't she always and the new Q as played by Ben Wishaw is a great addition to the gang. Plot wise the film is also pretty good and some twists and surprises are shoved in there that make no sense in the universe of bond but hey who cares. All in all I enjoyed myself.

Verdict: 3.5/5

Saturday 17 November 2012

Top 5 superhero films

I am a massive geek and am not ashamed to admit it, I mean I write a film blog for gods sake, not exactly highly ranked on the cool list. One of my other interests as a geek is that of the world of superheroes and villains. As a child I loved spiderman, batman, the xmen and many others. This interest didn't die once I reached adulthood, yes I am an adult so shut your mouth. Much to my wonder superhero films have been having a good run of late and are fast becoming commonplace. As a result this list is my top 5 superhero films, not just of the last few years but of all time.

1) Spiderman 2
The first spiderman, Sam Raimi ones, was brilliant. The villain was great, the casting was great and finally spiderman got to swing his stuff around the streets of the big apple. The second of the trilogy, lets not talk about the third, improved on the first in many ways. Firstly Peter becomes a more well rounded character whose flaws and struggles with both aspects of his dual life ooze out of the screen beautifully and Tobey Maguire, whilst shit in most things, excels as the awkward geek turned superhero. Secondly the relationships between Pete, Aunt May, Harry and Mary Jane are developed and all reach new heights during the film. Lastly the villain is awesome. Doc Oc was never one of my faves in my cartoon days but Alfred Molina brings the character to life. Awesome.

2) Avengers Assemble
This is pretty much in this list for one reason only, I thought it was going to be shit. When I heard Marvel were gonna do a medley film bringing the avengers, never one of my fave groups of superheroes, together for a little romp my heart sank into thoughts of money grabbing nonsense. I then found out Joss Whedon, of Buffy fame, was directing and I became slightly more interested. Safe to say however that when I sat in the cinema to watch it I was less than enthusiastic. To my surprise I loved it. The comedy is spot on but doesn't overwhelm the story, the characters all get their own time and attention and are developed well and the Hulk does indeed smash. Managed to do what I thought nigh on impossible. Great.

3) The Dark Knight
Now many of you will be thinking that all three of the Nolan Batmans should be on here and you would be right however that would make the list slightly dull now wouldn't it, wouldn't it?? Anyway this is my favourite of the three. As with the avengers there is one main reason and it is a very similar one. No its not swapping out Mrs Cruise with Maggie Gyllenhaal or the fact Batman seems to have developed a small amphibian in his throat, it is the late Mr Heath Ledger. When I heard he would be playing the Joker, best villain ever, I scoffed and laughed and indeed guffawed at the preposterousness of it all. Had to eat my words a tad once I saw the film. He is a powerhouse of crazy. Heaths Joker is anything but a Joke. He is chilling, unhinged, oddly charismatic but ultimately a complete feckin lunatic. So amazing.

4) X-men 2
Much like the spiderman trilogy the first Xmen set the scene brilliantly and the third let the side down like Glenn Johnson in an England match........or most of the England team for that matter. The second however is nothing short of genius, well not quite but there are only so many complimentary terms I know. It explores the story and background of many of the main characters but especially Wolverine and Jean Grey. Hugh Jackman was an inspired choice to play the hairy metal one and Famke Jansen can do no wrong in my book as she was once Xenia Onatop, nuff said. It also lets us delve slightly more into why Magneto is such a dick and also what motivates him. Plus how can you hate a film that has Sir Patrick Stewart, Sir Ian McKellen and Brian Cox (wheres the sir Liz, come on sort it out).

5) Ghost Rider: Spirit of Vengeance............
..........
only joking that was shite.......
.........
Its Kick Ass
This manages to blend both comic book nonsense with comedy in a beautiful, funny bloodbath of a film. Nic Cage as demonstrated by my joke, O yeh I know it was funny, often is horseshit in films, Next, both Ghost riders, Knowing, Bangkok Dangerous, The Weatherman, need I go on. In this however he is insanely brilliant and quite often steals the scene, that is however if it wasn't for Chloe Moretz aka Hitgirl. She is a whirlwind of obsenity and limb removing violence that is at first quite shocking and oddly charming. The rest of the cast also play things brilliantly. Mark Strong is a great bad guy alongside McLovin as his dimwit son. This then leaves us with the lead. As good as unknown (I still don't know his name and yes I am too lazy to go on IMDB) the guy embodies hopeless loser with a heart of gold and the common sense of a lemming. If you haven't seen this film where the hell have you been, unless my mother is reading this then please don't watch it mum, you will hate it. Everyone else get it now.

As always if you feel the need to comment on here then feel free. I am not sure how it works, i.e. if you need a Gmail account but if you cant post on here then feel free to facebook me or twitter me with your opinions.

Thanks for reading.

Review: The Hunger Games

Jennifer Lawrence channels her inner teenage angst and wanders through a lovely wooded area looking for a stream. Whilst she is doing this 23 other teenagers are busy trying to kill one another. All of this is overseen by a very shifty looking Donald Sutherland who loves a little bit of underage mass murder, frankly who doesn't. Woody Harrelson pops up aswell to have himself a whisky and act the tit. I won't go much further into it as it ruins the storyline a tad so thats all your getting there.

Right, few things to address here. Firstly it is a great story. I finished reading the book about 5 hours before watching the film. This unfortunately did sour the film for me slightly as the book is outstanding. This doesn't 100% translate into the film. As with any adaptation they have to cut bits out and for the most part the bits they cut were sensible and did not detract from the story. However due to it needing to be feature length it felt ever so slightly rushed. Secondly the book is really quite violent, especially for a book that is meant to be aimed at a young(ish) audience. The film, due to the 12A rating, cuts out pretty much all violence with it occurring mostly off camera, which in itself doesn't bother me but the nature of the film kinda needs the action to be more gritty I mean its kids disembowling one another for christs sake. Thirdly, and for me most important, it is pretty much a watered down Battle Royale. For those who don't know Battle Royale is a japanese film that is in essence this story, obviously there are some differences and as I say the book and story are brilliant but in a pure film sense it just felt like a tame version of the Japanese film. Despite all its misgivings it is a good film. The acting is great, Jennifer Lawrence is easy on the eyes, yes I am aware she is supposed to be 16 but she isnt in real life so back off yeh, it looks beautiful and I did enjoy myself. Well worth a watch but you really do need to choose between the book and the film as either will ruin the other.

Verdict: 3.5/5

Sunday 11 November 2012

Review: The Cabin In The Woods

Thor grabs four of his mates, bundles them in a van and heads off to his cousins cabin, yeh you guessed it, in the woods. Along the drive we learn a little about each of them and realise that they may be heading towards something less than good for their health. Once at the cabin a generic turn of events occurs that lead to some nastiness befalling each of them. That is half of the film. The other half I wont say much about as it will give a lot away but there is an ever so slightly odd sub story.

Unfortunately there isn't much more I can say about the storyline without giving a hell of a lot away. This film is directed by Joss Whedon of Buffy and The Avengers fame and it has his style stamped all over it. For a start despite sort of being a horror it is pretty funny in places. Joss certainly knows how to throw comedy into all situations, the only problem in this situation is it kind of takes the horror side of things out of. I don't think this was unintentional as the whole film feels more like a comedy than a horror but to be honest I would have preferred it the other way around. Sam Raimi has shown on numerous occasions that horror can still be horror even with comedy elements in it. The 'sub story' is actually reasonably interesting but in my opinion they lay their cards on the table too early and this ruins it slightly. Ultimately I wasn't scared in the slightest and the entertainment/comedy was not enough to keep me fully interested. I did persevere however if only to reach the explanation phase of the film and even then I was a little disappointed and found myself falling through rather large plotholes along the way. Could, and should, have been better.

Verdict: 2/5

Friday 9 November 2012

Review: Pirates! In An Adventure With Scientists

Hugh Grant gets the dudes who fiddle about with Wallace and Gromit to slap a plastecine beard on his chops in order to pirate it up. He wants to be the best pirate he can be but all the other pirates are right bullies and make him feel real bad about his skill set. He enters the pirate of the year competition and in order to try and win it he meets David Tenant in the form of Charles Darwin and together with a very fat, flightless parrot set out on their merry way to adventure.

Firstly Aardman are the aforementioned dudes and as we all know they are completely awesome at what they do, all you have to do is watch curse of the wererabbit to know I'm right. The animation is brilliant. As far as I know it is actually hand made models and stop motion and to be honest I like it better that way so don't actually care if I am wrong. The characters are great and the story is very clever. Typical aardman the film is full of jokes that jump up and punch you in the face and jokes that sneak in the back door quietly and tickle you in your sleep. Maybe got a bit carried away with that analogy, anywho the film is pretty good. Not as good as any of the wallace and gromits unfortunately but that is like saying that monkfish isn't as good as lobster, again not the best analogy but I like lobster so screw you.

Verdict: 4/5

Monday 5 November 2012

Top five tearjerkers (SPOILER ALERT!)

Next list of films here people. This one I have dubbed best tearjerkers but in reality it means the films that have managed to make me cry. I will also let you know the exact parts I cried at because I am comfortable with my manliness. Oddly the list still makes five, isn't life fun.

SPOILER ALERT. I have put this because I will be ruining parts of the films in my explanations. If you haven't seen the film then on your head be it if you read the whole blurb.

1) Forrest Gump
Yes Forrest life is like a box of chocolates and you are the saccharine little bastard that brings a tear to your eye no matter how hard you try. I actually cry twice at this film. The first bit is when Forrest visits Jenny and finds out he has a son, upon finding out this piece of information he then begins to cry and bottom lip aquivering asks 'is he stupid like me?'. The second bit is when Jenny has passed on and he is having a conversation with her grave. Both bits get me every god damn time. What a film. O shit three times, the bit with Bubba in Vietnam aswell, god damn you Tom Hanks.

2) I Am Legend
You may think this is an odd addition to this list however for all those who have seen it you know what bit I am about to mention. Will Smith is the only survivor in New York following a viral infection that turns most of the population into vampires. The toothy gits then set about killing all those who aren't infected except for Big Willie Style. The Fresh Prince has only one pal in the world, no not Jazzy Jeff this time, and that is in the form of his german shepherd dog Sam. Sam gets bitten by vamp dogs whilst attempting to protect young William and you guessed it once home begins to turn. Will then has to make the decision to kill Sam whilst hugging her as she lets out her last living breath and turns. It genuinely breaks my heart. The crying doesn't stop there however as the next scene Will has to try to come to terms with the death and spirals further into madness by chatting up a plastic woman. Great stuff.

3) The Pursuit Of Happyness
Bloody Will Smith again. This film is both one of the most depressing things I have ever seen and also one of the most uplifting. Will is a salesman down on his luck and money and has to spend a rather large chunk of his life living on the streets with his son. Whilst on the streets he is studying and working for free to become a stockbroker. The crying occurs twice again in this film. The first is when both he and his son have no choice but to sleep in the toilet of a subway station whilst some mental bloke tries to bust in. The sheer rockbottomness (thats a word right?) of it cuts me real deep. The second is at the end of the film when finally after all the struggle and the pain and the hard work Big Willie finally gets the job. Seriously that man makes me cry in everything, I even cried during The Fresh Prince once.

4) Turner and Hooch
This is one of the greatest films ever made, fact. Tom Hanks, again, plays a cop who has to take in a French Mastiff called Hooch who is a witness to a murder. The film then spends its time firmly in the comedy role with a man vs dog vs do they really love each other storyline. The crying occurs quite near the end of the film when, seriously stop reading if you haven't seen this film you will regret it, Hooch gets shot. We then see a panicked Turner standing over him whilst his pretty vet lady friend person tries her hardest to bring Hooch back to life, alas to no avail. The big slobbery mess of a dog dies in front of our eyes and mine fill up with a strange salty tasting clear liquid. I might cry now just thinking about it.

5) Man On Fire
Denzel Washington this time. He spends half the film bonding with a young Dakota Fanning, not in a weird way but in a father daughter way, and the other half removing body parts from the scumbags who have decided to kidnap her. The crying in this film again occurs at the end when Denzel finally manages to get Dakota back to her family in exchange for his own life. His final moments are as he slowly closes his eyes in the back of a car as he is taken away and dies in peace. Genius.


As always post comments and other films that you would add to this list. Please though if you want to put what bit makes you cry then put spoiler alert, if indeed it is a spoiler, if not then don't as that would make no sense.

Review: The Iron Lady

Meryl Streep visits the make up trailer and turns herself into good old Maggie Thatcher for a little romp into the titular ladies psyche. Jim Broadbent hops on board to play the old version of Mr Thatcher and spends most of his time dickin' about in stupid hats and talking very loudly. Olivia someone (I forget her last name, the one from peep show) poshes it up to play Carol. The story spends the majority of its time with Mags in her twilight years battling with the fact she is off her rocker. Every now and again it decides to pop back in time and let us know some of the history behind the woman.

To start with it is acted brilliantly. I am not a Streep fan and for the most part she annoys the crap out of me (Mamma Mia, Its Complicated, to name a couple) but in this film she is pretty awesome. From the moment you see her on screen with her teeth jutting out at that mightily odd angle she is Maggie Thatcher. Jim Broadbent and the Olivia woman also hold their own and the whole Thatcher clan (minus the son, who knew) are well represented. The big problem with the film however is it is ever so slightly boring. For someone who knows bugger all about MT's reign and rise to power the film didn't spend enough time explaining things. There are nice bits in it about when she was young and the struggles she had to face but way too much focuses on her attempting to collect all her marbles and jam them back in their bag. Im not saying I didn't like those bits but the film overdoes it a tad. There was a moment when I had completely stopped paying attention and began deciding if Captain America or Rogue from X-men should be my new purchase on my avengers game, turns out after an extensive pro and con list the correct answer is Captain America. Good effort but a shame it couldn't hold my attention more.

Verdict: 3/5 (mainly for the acting chops)