The Hobbit: The Battle of the Five Armies

Its time for the third instalment of Martin Freemans hairy toes. This time Benedict Cumberbatch is really pissed off and decides to burn a town by the lake. Once the burning is done the lake people move into some buildings just outside Richard Armitages mountain castle thing. The guy from pushing daisies gets wind of all this and turns up to take some jewels from Richard. Richard is a bit of a greedy dick and says no to everybody causing the lake people, pushing daisies guy, some orcs, Billy Connolly and a 5th army to have a big ol' to do.

Right so finally seen all three Hobbit films and can comment on them as a trilogy. I'll start with this as a standalone film and I can say from the off that I loved it. It starts at the moment the last film finishes and is a spectacular opening set piece with Smaug decimating the people of Laketown. As in the second one Smaug is beautifully animated and looks as real as a giant talking dragon could. The tempo relaxes slightly following this scene but not much with the vast majority of the film occurring in the mountain hold of the dwarves. While the first two films focussed on Bilbo this one is very much Richard Armitages film. He pulls off a cracking performance as the internally tormented king of the dwarves. Martin Freeman once again shows us he was made for this role and the supporting cast are spot on. The film is not unfortunately without flaws with it feeling ever so slightly strung out, much like the first one did, however I will admit this is me nitpicking. Viewing the Hobbit as a trilogy I have to admit it is a triumph and makes me want to pick up a sword and swing it into some pesky orcs face whilst a dragon flies overhead burning all it sees. Overall they are not as good as the Lord of the Rings trilogy but frankly in this genre nothing is.

Verdict: 5/5

The Hobbit: The Desolation of Smaug

Martin Freeman has hairy feet again and is still hanging out with a bunch of dwarves. The dwarves are still looking for gold and are heading towards a mountain where there is some. In this mountain there is also a stone that looks suspiciously like the galaxy marbles from Men In Black. Richard Armitage reeeeeaaaallllly wants this stone so that he can become king of the mountain and dwarves again. Problem is Benedict Cumberbatch is in the way and has wings and a terrible attitude. Also going on is Sir Ian McKellen trying to figure out who the dark wizardy guy is that is sending his albino orcs to kill stuff.

I will admit that I wasn't 100% sold on the first hobbit film. Don't get me wrong I really liked it but it had a lot to live up to in the shadow of The Lord of the Rings trilogy. This second section of the Hobbit story on paper should have a little more to it than the first. Luckily it met these expectations and more. The story is developed well and there isn't any 'dwarves having dinner for 40 minutes' nonsense going on. The moment all Hobbit fans were waiting for however must be the meeting with Smaug the dragon which is frankly outstanding. The CGI is beautiful to look at and Benedict Cumberbatch's voice is perfect to add power and gravitas to the big fiery one. His interaction with Bilbo is by far the best thing in the film and it is stunningly well done. The rest of the cast are equally perfect in their roles with Richard Armitage in particular pulling a sterling performance as Thorin Oakenshield. Now I know there are some slightly odd additions to the story, namely Legolas appearing earlier in the story than he should and Evangeline Lily's brand new character, but putting the source material aside for a moment they actually work pretty well. The greatest compliment I could pay to the film is the fact that despite the 3 hour running time I didn't want it to end. Loved it.

Verdict: 5/5

Lego Movie

There's this Lego guy who lives in a fascist society controlled by Lego Will Ferrell. He gets up every day and builds stuff along with his colleagues. He has a guide book on being the best Lego guy he can be and wants nothing more than to be everyone's friend. When looking for friends he meets this Lego lady who can build stuff real good and without any guides. This lady is part of a rebel group who wants to defeat Will Ferrell and SHE IS FRIENDS WITH LEGO BATMAN!!!!!!! They all then build stuff without instructions and Lego batman is a douche.

Like many human beings I loved Lego when I was a kid and was somewhat excited when this film was announced. First thing to say is it is completely bonkers and when I say completely I mean a big pile of plastic blocky insanity. This is by no means a bad thing as the insanity is beautifully crafted and reminds you of the wonder that is building your first Lego spaceship and having it fight with a ninja pirate captain who drives a sports car. The story is bonkers but coherent and crashes along at a blistering pace. The voice acting is spot on and this may contain the greatest incarnation of batman ever committed to film. I cant really say much more other than 'EVERYTHING IS AWESOME!!!!'

Verdict: 5/5

Nativity

Martin Freeman is a teacher of the young people and is a miserable git at that. He doesn't like Christmas because his bitch of a girlfriend left him at Christmas. His boss tasks him with running this years nativity play and gives him an assistant in the form of an oversized moron. Between the two of them they somehow end up lying and convince people Hollywood want to come and film their play. Some kids then act, sing and dance their little cotton socks off in order to impress some american dude.

Now on paper this film seems god awful. A bunch of school kids have to put on a play designed by The Hobbit and some guy called Mr Poppy and they do it all whilst keeping hold of the U certificate. I thought I would absolutely hate this rubbish but put it on as it was Christmas and this is the only time of year my ice cold heart thaws a little and honestly I really enjoyed it. Martin Freeman is a great leading man and is the real heart of this film. Mr Poppy is frankly annoying as hell but is reigned in somewhat by Martin and the absolutely charming kids. I'm not a massive fan of kids in general, they're noisy and they smell, but the ones in this film are genuinely funny and keep the entertainment at a high level. The story is a bit of nonsense but it doesn't really matter as the content is good enough to keep you interested and rooting for all concerned. I have heard dreadful things about the sequels but this first instalment is well worth a watch. Surprisingly good.

Verdict: 3.5/5

The Secret Life Of Walter Mitty

Ben Stiller is a really boring dude. He has a job doing something with photographs for Life magazine and spends his time staring creepily at Kristen wiig and imagining jumping off buildings and being in snow. Sean Penn is the guy who sends him photos and one special one gets lost. Ben tries to get hold of him but due to a match.com winking issue he decides to go find Sean and get the pic himself. Lots of american style hopping on planes and getting to literally anywhere in a couple of hours ensues and Ben goes on a big adventure. Maybe he will discover who he really is or maybe this is all so he can do the horizontal tango with Kristen.

I remember when the trailers for this film came out as they really did work on me and my interest was well and truly peaked. Ben Stiller in a life affirming semi serious film you say???? Damn right and it actually pulls it off for the most part. Ben is very toned down as the titular character and plays down and depressed schlub very convincingly. The support cast is equally as toned down and does not feel the need to throw in cooky or wacky performances in the search for laughs. The only problem on this front is the new bosses at life who are unfortunately a little over the top but I can forgive this due to their relatively infrequent screen time. The story is very sweet, if massively unbelievable, and plods along at a very nice pace. Stiller is likeable in the lead role and makes you feel for the poor guy. Now all that said it isn't going to be topping anyones favourite film lists but it was an entertaining watch and one that I would be happy to have again.

Verdict: 3/5

The Hunger Games: Catching Fire

Jennifer Lawrence has won a game of death amongst children and now lives in a big mansion next to Woody Harrelson and Josh Hutcherson who also spent some time killing teenagers. As a prior winner Jennifer gets to travel round and rally all the people who live in poverty in the various trade based districts that make up her world. As she travels round people keep flipping her the bird which Donald Sutherland reads as a revolution amongst the underclasses. As a result of this Donald hires Philip Seymour Hoffman and sends everybody back into the arena to kill not only teenagers but older people aswell. Is Donald right about revolution or is he just a big paranoid white haired mess?

The Hunger Games is very well established in culture nowadays with pretty much everyone having read or at the very least heard of the books. When the first was translated into film world many had their doubts but it turned out to be a pretty decent effort. As someone who has read the books, the first two anyway as Sara won't let me read the third before reading it herself even though it has been YEARS since she started it, I found some flaws in the first but still very much enjoyed myself. The second does a similarly decent job but just isn't quite as good. The same could be said about the books with the second hunger games event just feeling a little old hat. That being said the story does develop well in this second instalment with politics being focused on a little more and kids killing each other a little less. The acting is just as good as it was first time round and the addition of the late great Philip Seymour Hoffman adds bucket loads to the talent. Overall it is well worth a watch and I will be seeing the third and (yawn) the fourth film.

Verdict: 3/5