Robert Pattinson has a hell of a lot of money and likes to travel round in his limousine and meet with lots of important people. He is young and as a result is arrogant about his money and stuff and has no problem lording it above all us insignificant poor people. He rides around having very important meetings with other very important people and occasionally has sex with some of them without washing himself at any point. Robert likes to use a lot of big words to describe his work, life and all things considered without at any point actually describing or explaining everything. Then Paul Giamatti turns up and also uses big words to explain nothing and I consider seeing how far you can actually push a cotton bud into your ears before the bleeding starts.
I hated this film with a passion. It is genuinely one of the worst films I have ever seen in my entire life if not the worst. The story is non existent. You follow Robert around in his day to day life as a billionaire business owner without at any point letting us know what he actually does for a living. This wouldn't be that bad if the majority of the other characters either work with or for him. Then there is the progression which again is non existent as nothing happens of any worth. Yes there are certain events that occur during the film but none of them make any sense and none of them fit with any form of a coherent narrative. Again this could be forgiven if the characters were likeable or realistic in any way. It seems as though David Cronenburg (director) is trying to aim for real characters with real problems but they talk in a way in which no human being has ever spoken in their entire life. An example of a sentence from the film may go something like this 'all I can see is an enigma, an enigma of the passion I hold for all the decisions that serve as measurements of my disdain'. I made that shit up myself but that is honestly how everybody talks in this film. They might as well be talking swahili I would have understood just as much, actually if they had been talking in swahili then they would have had an excuse whereas as it stands they have butchered a language I have been speaking for 26 years and consider myself somewhat fluent in. It is beyond pretentious and makes me want to hurt the stuck up morons who thought it would be a good idea to make films 'artsy' and 'existential'. All of you piss off and let me watch Twins.
Verdict: -7000/5
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