Robert 'Pasty' Pattinson puts his fangs in and covers his body in glitter and has a baby with the miserable one Kristen Stewart. She is less of a sourpuss this time round as she has joined the legions of the Cullen family as their newest blood sucker. Taylor Lautner is hanging around as the resident borderline paedophile and they all seem mega happy, that is until Michael Sheen gets wind of the little nipper and decides that it certainly is not cricket to have a vamp baby. He then gets together all his gang and trundles on down to the Cullens crib and has a heated debate involving deadly gas and some wopping great dogs. All while this is going on Kristens dad is once again not considered at all and is just expected to put up with his daughter buggering off at the slightest sign of trouble and telling him nothing.
Anyone who has read my reviews before will know that I am not a fan of the Twilight series so much so I actually hate them. Believe me then when I say this is the best of the films bar maybe the first, however this does not in any way shape or form make it a good film. I will start with the positives, hell I am in a good mood. The story is actually not bad in this one and for once isn't wholly centred on the 'do I love Edward, do I love Jacob, do I love neither?' mechanic with some of the other characters actually getting a look in. We get to explore some of the other Cullens and also see a bit more of the Voltari, aka Michaels gang. This all culminates in a frankly impressive, if not a bit CGI heavy, battle at the end and I must say I was actually enjoying it. Herein starts the negatives. In true twilight form the best bit of the film, the battle, is completely ruined, I wont say how but it is the most stupid, rage inducing nonsense I have ever seen and I was so disappointed in the way they took it. Another negative is that sourpuss is still on the screen. Originally I thought it was the character that warranted the performance from Kristen but seeing her in other films I realised that she plays every character with an air of a teenager that has been told by her dad she has to come home an hour earlier than normal. Admittedly she attempts to crack a smile in this film but still ends up whining. Lastly there is still the ridiculous professions of love throughout the entire thing which make me want to scratch out my eyes. Love is not like that, fact. I would love to see them have an arguement or at the very least say something other than 'I have never loved anyone like this before' or 'you are so beautiful it hurts'. I am not sure those were actually in the film as I tune out when that shit starts but you get the gist.
Verdict: 1.5/5, and you were lucky to get that.
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