Channing Tatum returns with his ragtag band of muscle bound soldiers to fight more unbelievably bad bad guys. O wow look Dwayne 'the rock' Johnson has a big gun and is shooting some stuff and there's a Japanese guy in a mask, who to be honest could in reality be a fish for all we know as he never removes the bloody thing, who likes cutting people. Channing takes these people and some others and fights a guy with plastic surgery related issues who wants to take over the world by using exploding motorbikes and somesuch. Things start to go a tad wrong for Channings crew until Bruce 'yippee-ki-ay' Willis turns up and joins Dwayne in the act of kickin some serious ass.
Ok to start off this review I would like to say that the first GIJoe film was an absolute puddle of horse piss, which did not set the sequel up for a warm welcome. To my surprise then I didn't hate it and actually found myself quite enjoying some of it. Yes I know it won't win any awards and yes I know in reality it is mindless drivel but we all need some mindless drivel once in a while. The reason this film worked when the first didn't is because it is well aware that no one expects it to be amazing. It is a film made for boys who like fighting and guns and guess what it is full of fighting and guns. The Rock is on fine form and smashes his way through both walls and ridiculously cheesy dialogue and the rest of the cast also seem to be having a lot of harmless fun with these ridiculous characters. The first film helps this one in slamming our expectations through the floor meaning that because I didn't want to use a Bunsen burner on my eyeballs after this second film I ended up pleasantly surprised. S to wrap up it is not a masterpiece but I would happily watch it again and probably enjoy it for the throwaway nonsense that it is.
Verdict: 3/5
Saturday, 7 September 2013
Film review: Seven Psychopaths
Colin Farrell is a writer and is struggling to come up with a new script idea. His mate Sam Rockwell likes to steal dogs with Christopher Walken and return them for rewards. One day they accidentally steal mob boss Woody Harrelsons dog and things start to kick themselves off. During this Sam is helping Colin to write his story about a variety of psychopaths whom we meet throughout the other dog stealing nonsense. This all culminates in violence and some such.
I have to admit that the premise of this film is mildly interesting at best and that being said I did not have brilliantly high expectations before pressing play on the DVD player. It starts in a pretty simple way but does not unfortunately remain in simplicity. It is not to say that the story is confusing at all but it is very bitty and flits between the psychopath stories with some involved in the main story and some seemingly just there to make up the numbers. The films 4 main characters are played by 4 of my favourite actors with Rockwell, Walken and Harrelsons on fine crazy form. Farrell is not bad but due to the nature of the story does not really have the breathing room within his character to really let himself go nuts. Rockwell is by far the best thing in this and clearly everyone concerned is having great fun it's just a shame we as the audience are not invited to join in to some of it. That isn't to say the film is dreadful but with a title like this you would expect something better than run of the mill.
Verdict: 2.5/5
I have to admit that the premise of this film is mildly interesting at best and that being said I did not have brilliantly high expectations before pressing play on the DVD player. It starts in a pretty simple way but does not unfortunately remain in simplicity. It is not to say that the story is confusing at all but it is very bitty and flits between the psychopath stories with some involved in the main story and some seemingly just there to make up the numbers. The films 4 main characters are played by 4 of my favourite actors with Rockwell, Walken and Harrelsons on fine crazy form. Farrell is not bad but due to the nature of the story does not really have the breathing room within his character to really let himself go nuts. Rockwell is by far the best thing in this and clearly everyone concerned is having great fun it's just a shame we as the audience are not invited to join in to some of it. That isn't to say the film is dreadful but with a title like this you would expect something better than run of the mill.
Verdict: 2.5/5
Tuesday, 20 August 2013
Film review: Flight
Densely Washington loves nothing more than getting his end away whilst completely rat arsed and off his head on cocaine. Good news then that he decides to do all this the night/morning before he is due to fly a plane, full of people. Once on the plane he seems ok until some turbulence kicks in and the plane decides to break in spectacular fashion, can a pissed up Denzel save the day and if he does should we punish or praise him? For the answer to these questions and more please visit a blockbusters near you..........does that count as advertising? If so I take cheques or bank transfers.
The premise of this film is a great one. Put simply if this happened in real life how would the drunk pilots actions be viewed and would society put him on a pedestal or throw him under a bus. Interesting question and if I am honest I don't really know where I stand on it and still don't even after seeing the film. This is where the film is at its strongest. Denzel is great as always and his support in Don Cheadle, John Goodman and others are just as good and play their roles with conviction. Unfortunately the film does not carry this all the way through. The relationship with the drunk girlfriend is boring for the most part and feels a little out of place. It delves quite convincingly into the psyche of an alcoholic but in my opinion strays from the main premise a little too much. As per usual there is a little cheese sparingly grated throughout but thankfully does not overwhelm the other flavours of the film. Despite my reservations it is a very good, unique film and you won't see anything like it.
Verdict: 4/5
The premise of this film is a great one. Put simply if this happened in real life how would the drunk pilots actions be viewed and would society put him on a pedestal or throw him under a bus. Interesting question and if I am honest I don't really know where I stand on it and still don't even after seeing the film. This is where the film is at its strongest. Denzel is great as always and his support in Don Cheadle, John Goodman and others are just as good and play their roles with conviction. Unfortunately the film does not carry this all the way through. The relationship with the drunk girlfriend is boring for the most part and feels a little out of place. It delves quite convincingly into the psyche of an alcoholic but in my opinion strays from the main premise a little too much. As per usual there is a little cheese sparingly grated throughout but thankfully does not overwhelm the other flavours of the film. Despite my reservations it is a very good, unique film and you won't see anything like it.
Verdict: 4/5
Film review: The Hunt
Mads Mikelson (apologies for spelling) is a nursery school teacher who just loves kids. He plays games with them, tells them stories and generally runs around acting the tit with them. He then gets accused of being a little too fond of them and ends up in a right ol' pile of poo poo. Once here he finds out who believes him and who doesn't and has to try and clear his dirty dirty name.
Before seeing this film I had heard a lot of very good things about it. Some reviewers were even heralding it as one of the best films of recent times and safe to say it doesn't fall far short of that accolade. The story is pretty uncomplicated but this is no bad thing with the story hinging on a simple premise, what would people do if someone they knew was accused of something awful. Mads central performance is outstanding and genuinely one of the best pieces of acting I have ever seen. The standard does not drop with the support cast either, especially the children who are excellent. It is not an easy watch but then it is not meant to be and does not shy away from the difficult aspects of the subject matter. It is cleverly written and hooks you right from the start and for all those who say that subtitled films are not worth watching I say stop being a tit and suck it up, you have no idea what you are missing. Honestly you would be hard pushed to find a better film.
Verdict: 5/5
Before seeing this film I had heard a lot of very good things about it. Some reviewers were even heralding it as one of the best films of recent times and safe to say it doesn't fall far short of that accolade. The story is pretty uncomplicated but this is no bad thing with the story hinging on a simple premise, what would people do if someone they knew was accused of something awful. Mads central performance is outstanding and genuinely one of the best pieces of acting I have ever seen. The standard does not drop with the support cast either, especially the children who are excellent. It is not an easy watch but then it is not meant to be and does not shy away from the difficult aspects of the subject matter. It is cleverly written and hooks you right from the start and for all those who say that subtitled films are not worth watching I say stop being a tit and suck it up, you have no idea what you are missing. Honestly you would be hard pushed to find a better film.
Verdict: 5/5
Sunday, 11 August 2013
Film review: The River Murders
Ray Liotta is a hard hitting, straight talkin homicide cop in somewhere, U.S.A. He has a generically foreign wife and stereotypical cop friends who he hangs out with and overacts with. Some murders keep happening by a river, wink wink, see what they did there, eh, eh, EH! Sooner or later Ray becomes the main suspect as he has played hide the purple parsnip with all of the dead people concerned. Due to this Christian Slater is roped in to play the obligatory dickhead and accuse everyone left, right and centre. It is then only a matter of Ray and his pals running around trying to find the actual killer before Christian has his way.
What the hell has happened to Ray Liotta? Anybody who has seen Goodfellas will tell you that he had real potential as an actor and is nothing short of amazing in that film. Why O why then has he done pretty much bugger all other than second rate rubbish since then? Christian Slater also has been in some very good films but has the same habit of doing rubbish. This film unfortunately does not redeem either of them. The story itself is ok and plods along nicely and whilst it wont show you anything you haven't seen before it is pretty inoffensive with it. It is a shame then that even the seasoned actors feel the need to overact. Christian Slater is the worst culprit closely followed by the talent vacuum that is Ving Rhames. Alongside the seasoned actors are the support cast the worst of whom is the wife who really should find herself a different career path, preferably something that doesn't require her speaking voice. The only other half decent performance is the bad guy, whom we do meet early on so this isn't much of a spoiler, who does creepy pretty well. Ultimately though the film is a bit shite and should be avoided.
Verdict: 2/5
What the hell has happened to Ray Liotta? Anybody who has seen Goodfellas will tell you that he had real potential as an actor and is nothing short of amazing in that film. Why O why then has he done pretty much bugger all other than second rate rubbish since then? Christian Slater also has been in some very good films but has the same habit of doing rubbish. This film unfortunately does not redeem either of them. The story itself is ok and plods along nicely and whilst it wont show you anything you haven't seen before it is pretty inoffensive with it. It is a shame then that even the seasoned actors feel the need to overact. Christian Slater is the worst culprit closely followed by the talent vacuum that is Ving Rhames. Alongside the seasoned actors are the support cast the worst of whom is the wife who really should find herself a different career path, preferably something that doesn't require her speaking voice. The only other half decent performance is the bad guy, whom we do meet early on so this isn't much of a spoiler, who does creepy pretty well. Ultimately though the film is a bit shite and should be avoided.
Verdict: 2/5
Sunday, 28 July 2013
Film review: Amour
A french old man is married to a french old woman. They live in Paris and like to go to classical music recitals and other stereotypically french activities. One morning Mrs French person has herself a bit of a medical issue and becomes handicapped. Mr French person then spends the film looking after her and trying to cope with the fact his wife is no longer the person he married.
This film is not an easy film to watch. It deals with very serious issues that I can imagine all old couples, and to a certain extent young ones, fear never happen. The acting is bang on with the majority of the scenes containing only the married couple in question and you genuinely believe in them as a pair and that they are struggling with this terrible event. The support cast are also very good but are used sparingly as the main focus is, and rightly so, centred on just the two people. You are not going to watch this film and feel elated at the end but there is a strange sense of relief on the part of the characters that reaches out from the screen. I can't say I enjoyed this film as that's not really the point of it but it is fantastically well done and a powerful watch.
Verdict: 4/5
This film is not an easy film to watch. It deals with very serious issues that I can imagine all old couples, and to a certain extent young ones, fear never happen. The acting is bang on with the majority of the scenes containing only the married couple in question and you genuinely believe in them as a pair and that they are struggling with this terrible event. The support cast are also very good but are used sparingly as the main focus is, and rightly so, centred on just the two people. You are not going to watch this film and feel elated at the end but there is a strange sense of relief on the part of the characters that reaches out from the screen. I can't say I enjoyed this film as that's not really the point of it but it is fantastically well done and a powerful watch.
Verdict: 4/5
Saturday, 27 July 2013
Film review: Pacific Rim
Luther goes out and grabs himself a couple of Americans sticks them in a big robot and asks them to punch godzillas mates into oblivion. The big lizards turn up through a hole in the sea and try to eat large cities for some inexplicable reason. Luthers plan goes a little tits up and the united nations tell him to pack it in coz some guy likes walls. Typical Luther style he shoves his middle finger up and carries on regardless. He then hires a geordie pretending to be american, a londoner pretending to be Australian, stereotypical Russians and Chinese and a Japanese lady. Two sort of scientists also tag along and ramble on about maths and biology and wotnot until Ron Perlman walks in makes a joke and then walks out again. After all that they decide that yes robots giving giant lizards an ass whoopin' is immensely fun and resume where they started.
A lot of comparisons seem to be flying around between this film and transformers. The first that comes to mind is large robots............then I've got nothing, I mean seriously just because they have robots does not mean they are alike. The crucial difference is that Guillermo Del Toro is a great film maker and Michael Bay is a boob. In this Del Toro creates a simple yet effective premise and builds a beautiful world around it. The robots, or Jaegers, look brilliant and like they could actually exist and the monsters, or Kaiju, are inventive and unique. The film starts where it means to go on by chucking you full on into the action with a ear drum bursting fight scene. Here lies another difference in that Del Toro realises that you don't need to shake the camera round as if having a seizure in order to demonstrate action sequences. You can see and follow everything that is going on and get a real sense of the scale of the fights with buildings and other scenery crumbling away with each gigantic hit. Now that that has been said the film is by no means fawless and is arguably Del Toros worst film but that is no bad thing. The acting is pretty shoddy from all but a few. Idris Elba is great but then again he usually is, the main guy is ok considering he is a geordie playing a convincing yank and Ron Perlman is a legend but aside from that it is lacking somewhat. Also I did find myself getting a little bored in the middle as they decide to focus on character development and cheese instead of fighting. Don't get me wrong I like a bit of story but don't have it all in one big stilton ridden chunk, break it up with some lizard smashing. Ultimately you will fall into one of two camps with this film, if you like robots and giant lizards ripping each other apart you won't be able to find much better, if not then go watch the notebook or something you ponce.
Verdict: 3.5/5
A lot of comparisons seem to be flying around between this film and transformers. The first that comes to mind is large robots............then I've got nothing, I mean seriously just because they have robots does not mean they are alike. The crucial difference is that Guillermo Del Toro is a great film maker and Michael Bay is a boob. In this Del Toro creates a simple yet effective premise and builds a beautiful world around it. The robots, or Jaegers, look brilliant and like they could actually exist and the monsters, or Kaiju, are inventive and unique. The film starts where it means to go on by chucking you full on into the action with a ear drum bursting fight scene. Here lies another difference in that Del Toro realises that you don't need to shake the camera round as if having a seizure in order to demonstrate action sequences. You can see and follow everything that is going on and get a real sense of the scale of the fights with buildings and other scenery crumbling away with each gigantic hit. Now that that has been said the film is by no means fawless and is arguably Del Toros worst film but that is no bad thing. The acting is pretty shoddy from all but a few. Idris Elba is great but then again he usually is, the main guy is ok considering he is a geordie playing a convincing yank and Ron Perlman is a legend but aside from that it is lacking somewhat. Also I did find myself getting a little bored in the middle as they decide to focus on character development and cheese instead of fighting. Don't get me wrong I like a bit of story but don't have it all in one big stilton ridden chunk, break it up with some lizard smashing. Ultimately you will fall into one of two camps with this film, if you like robots and giant lizards ripping each other apart you won't be able to find much better, if not then go watch the notebook or something you ponce.
Verdict: 3.5/5
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